UPDATED CLICK BAIT HEADLINE WITH REVIEWS FROM PEOPLE WHO TOOK ONE FOR THE TEAM AND WATCHED IT!

UPDATED!

The EXORCIST: BELIEVER won the weekend box office with a staggering $42 million worldwide box office. The Jacksonville Jaguars also beat a jet lagged Buffalo Bills as I write this. Why am I bringing up the NFL in a movie review on a blog? Because winning the box office, or beating a jet lagged team of athletes, doesn’t make you a good movie, or a good (or bad for that matter) football team. It’s what happens the next that matters.

You see, plenty of bad movies make money their opening weekends, and a team can win on any given Sunday. It’s the following week that matters with films. If they stay on top and make as much (or more!) money as they made the weekend before, then we have a good movie on our hands.  

As I predicted last week, the critical and fan reviews of THE EXORCIST: BELIEVER do not speak favorably about the SIXTH entry in the venerable franchise. Or is it really the seventh? Do we count DOMINION and EXORCIST: THE BEGINNING as separate films? Or is it the fifth if we don’t count the TV show?  This is becoming as confuzzled as a discussion with a demon possessed kid. What does please me about this film is the box office returns have already broken the film even, so regardless of how poor it is as an entertainment device, it is still a financial studio success, and that’s important for horror films in general. We need even the bad horror movies to make money. Why? So the studios continue to bankroll our little niche genre. The success of THE WALKING DEAD heralded a new age of horror entertainment, and it would be nice for it to continue… 

Now, as I won’t ever watch this film (cos I’m too old and get the time back), let’s see what some of my respected peers who did watch it have to say about THE EXORCIST BELIEVER.

LISA VASQUEZ (AUTHOR, ARTIST, PUBLISHER, DARQUE QUEEN):

Exorcist: Believer… about as thrilling as a lobotomy

WALTER BALL (JOURNALIST, WRESTLING ANNOUNCER, MUSIC AND MOVIE ENTHUSIAST):

Exorcist: Believer starts off strong with a solid first act…then it falls harder than Father Karras hitting a flight of concrete stair steps

SHANNON GRANT (AUTHOR, MUSICIAN, UNSEELIE FAE):

Exorcist: Believer…I can tell there’s effort being put into modern mainstream horror movies. I appreciate that. But it’s not always working in the way the makers want them to. I like the fact they’re trying to bring different religions into this movie, but they’re not exploring the ideas enough. Plus you’re adding in characters that aren’t fleshed out enough, so the stakes really don’t feel that high. I feel like putting in more conflict between the characters about their own personal religious beliefs would make for a more interesting movie. Hell, bring in a religious cult too. That would be fun.  Overall the new Exorcist felt like a very sanitized rehash of the original that needed to do explore more (especially nowadays since the devil doesn’t seem that threatening. Too many people just aren’t scared of demons).

Seeing a pattern here?

Continue to read below for why I’m a believer in the facts contributing to this films failure:

THE EXORCIST: BELIEVER opens this weekend, and I’m not sure it’s going to be as impactful as Universal would hope. Sure, director David Gordon Green seems to have hit all the sweet spots in its advertising. Heck, it’s even gone as far as to use a photo-negative of the possession victims in the trailer, ala the original film. But there are some who see this film, touted to be the first in a new trilogy, as a waste of time and effort. Another legacy sequel to a franchise that has hit or miss sequel action over the years. No different than Green’s last venture into reboot land, his 2018 HALLOWEEN. The film came out to much fanfare and was celebrated. Its subsequent sequels, however, suffered from the same maladies as the original franchise’s.

Why did Green’s HALLOWEEN reboot work? Because he remembered the story was about Laurie, not Michael. Why did his sequels fail? Because they were not about Laurie. Well, I can’t say they failed.  They made a bunch of money, but they were polarizing to the franchise’s fan base, with the third film having the strongest negative reactions.

THE EXORCIST and its sequels have shared a similar path, including a reboot from David Gordon Green and his writing partner, the not very funny comedian Danny McBride. Why have all but one of its sequels failed? Because they were not about the film’s primary characters… and those characters are not named Regan or Chris or even Father Merrin.  Regan and her mother ARE not the protagonists.  They are sympathetic antagonists, albeit not the villain (that’s Pazuzu).  Father Merrin is not the eponymous protagonist, either. If not, then who is?

Who is the film about? It’s simple. Two people. Two friends. Their names are Bill and Damien… Lt. William Kinderman & Father Damien Karras. They are the protagonists of THE EXORCIST book AND film. They are also the protagonist and antagonist of LEGION aka THE EXORCIST III – which happens to be the only other successful sequel to Blatty’s IP. It’s funny, wouldn’t you say, that he also wrote the book and wrote/directed the film? You want something done right… you do it yourself, correct? The EXORCIST II: THE HERETIC, THE EXORCIST: DOMINION (both versions!), and the short lived two seasons of FOX’s television reboot… they all forgot what the OG was about. And it’s not a demon with a habit of practicing defenestration. 

You see, part of THE EXORCIST’s secret to its success is that it’s not a traditional horror film.  Much like its immediate mainstream successor, JAWS, it’s a mashup of genres. In fact, they’re both VERY similar in what makes the two films so successful and has solidified their lasting impact on pop culture. First and foremost, both films are technically POLICE PROCEDURAL DRAMAS. JAWS has the added joy of being a political drama (LET’S KEEP THE BEACH OPEN!) and a family drama (A FATHER AND MOTHER AND THEIR SONS). It’s worth noting that both franchises also have a pariah entry. One can safely say, with the exception of JAWS 2, the subsequent JAWS sequels failed for mostly the same reason. 

In comparison, THE EXORCIST is also a family drama (And this is where the sympathetic antagonists of Chris and Regan MacNeil come into play)… BUT… it’s also a sports film.

A sports film? THE EXORCIST IS A SPORTS FILM? Are you high Tom? 

Always, but that is moot. This wasn’t a high-dea, oh no. I didn’t come up with this one on my own. My writing mentor, Garrett Cook, used it in a lecture once. And I’ve never forgotten it. Because he’s right. This makes THE EXORCIST closer to ROCKY than it is to JAWS. They’re the same story. Damien Karras is a failed boxer who wants one more shot at getting in the ring for the big fight. He goes through the trials of getting to the fight, and when he finally gets in the ring…

And just like Rocky… he fucking fails and jumps out the window from a knockout punch by Pazuzu Creed.

Green and McBride have a surmounting task ahead of them, continuing a franchise without the principal characters. Early screenings have given the movie a mostly positive outlook, but we’ll have to see what happens at multiplexes this weekend as the Halloween horror films ramp up! What do you think?  Will THE EXORCIST: BELIEVER be a hit… or a miss?

DON’T FORGET I HAVE PUBLIC APPEARANCES COMING LATER IN OCTOBER! Want to come out and see me? You can!

10/21 I’ll be at the Barnes & Noble in Wilkes-Barre PA for HALLOWEEN SCARES from noon to 4pm with a host of other great talent, including Kelli Owen, Bob Ford, Todd Keisling, CW Briar, Amanda Headlee, Sam Rebelein, Patrick R Field, and Anthony J Rapino.

10/28 I’ll be at the WORCESTER WEIRD FESTIVAL in Worcester, NY from 10-3 with a slew of other indy authors. Artist collaborator Miguel Santiago will be there with me!

See you all on the road this fall!