WIRD A Creepypasta By Thomas R Clark

BE CAREFUL WHAT APPS YOU DOWNLOAD ON YOUR PHONE…

HAS ANYONE SEEN THIS? IT’S FROM BEFORE THE PANDEMIC!

OR BETTER YET, DOES ANYONE HAVE THE WIRD APP CURRENTLY? THIS WAS TAKEN FROM THE USER REVIEWS FOR THE APP BEFORE THE SITE DISAPPEARED.

If I could rate this app with negative stars, I would.

I’m writing this review as I wait in line for my flight home. Let me start out by saying I gave this stupid fucking app one star because I couldn’t go any lower. Of course it stopped working for me yesterday. In hindsight, I’m happy about this, because it stopped sucking up my phone’s battery life.

I need to know who’s been as dumb as me and downloaded this app. I probably should’ve checked the other reviews before installing this crappy app on my phone. They’re all shitty and I back these claims up. The app is useless and invasive. To make things worse, today, when I deleted it from my phone, it went through my address book and spammed my contacts.

For two weeks I’ve dealt with multiple problems with the app. I don’t know where to begin. First off, I installed the WIRD app by accident. I know, everyone with half a brain tells you the same thing. Don’t open attachments in messenger, they’re viruses and they’ll hack your account. This one was different, it came from my cousin in Alberta on Christmas. I’ve been working in the Ukraine at a refining plant, and any message from a family member on a holiday is refreshing. After this, all I’m going to say is this is the last time I’ll be looking at any messages from Shirley. Fuck her.

I didn’t touch the attachment, it downloaded on my phone as soon as I opened my messenger. Then it took over my phone, it fucked the date up, pushed it forward a day, and I couldn’t reset it. I chalked this little quirk up to me being in a different time zone.

Then there are the alerts. Yeah, this thing sends you non-stop alerts all day long and burns your battery down to nothing. There’s no way to turn these alerts off, either. Plus it jumps the gun on everything and anything way too early, too.

Why do I mention this? Well, you see, the app also spoils TV shows with advance reviews. This drove me up a wall the first two days, then I grew numb to it. You’d think they’d at least give you a spoiler warning, but no.

I can’t say all the app’s alerts annoyed me. Their sports news analysts were amazing. They should be working in Vegas. The app was on for five minutes. Then it flashed an alert predicting all the winners of the Boxing Day College Bowl games in the States. On Thursday, after I watched these predictions come true, right down to Louisiana Tech shutting out the Miami Hurricanes, a string of alerts flashed across my phone. The predictions were for Friday’s Bowl games. So I said, what the heck, and placed some small bets.

I won a little bit of money Friday when North Carolina stomped Temple. The alerts for Saturday’s Bowl games followed. I won enough money to make some bigger bets on these games. So, I went all in on Clemson and won big. I watched the balance on my VENMO grow from my hotel room in the Ukraine. Trust me when I say the windfall I received isn’t enough to redeem this app.

This is because the app’s alerts aren’t limited to sports predictions. Current events, and news ranging from the entertainment industry to politics filled the alert banners. I swear to God their people know what politicians will be saying ahead of time, they have got to have some sort of insider scoop.

Things started getting really weird about a week after I installed it. I swear an alert came across telling me former New York Yankee Don Larson died on New Years Eve. I didn’t see anything about it on social media until January first.

Between TV spoilers and sports predictions, warnings of a virus outbreak in China causing parts of the country to go into lockdown were tied with the United States President’s social media snafus and saber rattling with Iran. I tried ignoring the bullshit, I needed to pack for my flight back to Canada, which happens to stop in Tehran for a refuel. I may be lucky at gambling, but I tend to have the worst luck with everything else. 

It’s worth noting yesterday, the WIRD app stopped working and my phone’s time and date returned to normal. The last alert I got indicated things weren’t getting any better between the United States and Iran. But hey, at least I can place a few looneys on LSU beating the Razorbacks.  

I wouldn’t wish this app on anyone I know.

USER NAME: TELLMEWUTITSABOOT

HOLY SHIT!

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